She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
