it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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