Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Semen is not good for contacts.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
