paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
