Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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