I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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