omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
