she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
