he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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