You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Blood and glitter go together right?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
