I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
