I think scott just propositioned me for sex
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
