Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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