Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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