Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize