Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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