The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
