I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
