i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you inspire me to be a worse person
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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