I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
