her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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