Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
