By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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