Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
