if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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