I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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