is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Bring me that man meat
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
