Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
