Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
