the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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