i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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