I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he thought i was a dude.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
