the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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