Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
These tits shall not be calmed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
