I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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