i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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