Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
