At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm passing your future prison.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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