What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
