why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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