she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
