i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize