atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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