you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
