everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
