i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
