when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
