Christians are straight up FREAKS
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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