Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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