There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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