the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
