I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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