i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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