My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
this will be a night to untag.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
