I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
