Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
