Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
