Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
