Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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