I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
