she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
