omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
