it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
