just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
