just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
