it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
