It's Friday. Sex?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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