so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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