So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize