at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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