Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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