dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
