apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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