I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize