No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
